Report Card for Season One, Sixteen Drabbles

 

1. Does he or she give his or her best effort at work?

 

“You see, what you guys don’t realize is that Hutch and me are willing to get burned out in the street, but it would hurt like hell if we lost sitting on our tails,” Starsky had told Henderson and Steele.

 

Sitting in the booking area and waiting for Fat Rolly to get bailed out, Hutch wondered about Starsky’s statement. True, they didn’t want to lose and certainly not while sitting on their tails. But the willing part? He was going to have to talk to his partner about that.

 

Hutch called the Pits and then made his move on Rolly.

 

2. Does he or she obey promptly and cheerfully?

 

“When Dobey wanted us urgently and immediately, and you told Dispatch, ‘Our radio’s been acting up, sometimes we can’t hardly make out a thing’,” I shoulda stopped you. Or at least come up with a better lie later,” Hutch said, grabbing his orange safely vest and looping the whistle over his head.

 

“No shit,” replied Starsky. “Traffic control’s bad enough, but two days as a crosswalk guard?”

 

“I told you this Captain Dobey was a real hard ass; he’s worse than the last one. Maybe the next Dobey won’t be such a yeller?”

 

“The third time could be the charm.”

 

3. Is his or her work accurate?

 

“’Oh yeah, about this report. It reads like a comic book. “The fiery red Torino fishtails to a halt. We spill onto the street ready for action”,’ Starsky mimicked Dobey and grumbled, “Not only is it not as boring as the rest, but I think it’s more accurate. We didn’t just stop the car. We didn’t just get out. And the Torino isn’t just red. You’d think they’d be happy with a little detail.”

 

Hutch asked, “Do you want pizza with the stinky, gutted, brined, tiny, hairy, brown fish, including the scales and skin, or would you prefer anchovies?”

 

“Anchovies, please.”

 

4. Is he or she on time with work?

 

“’Once every seven days is not daily. If the department wants you to hand them in every seven days they’d be called weekly reports, wouldn’t they’?” grumbled Starsky under his breath.

 

Hutch looked up from his typewriter. “Dobey’s right, you know.”

 

“I don’t care if he’s right. At least he gets weekly ones. I say we turn in monthly reports, and make him beg for when he got one every seven days. I mean, what are we? Secretaries?”

 

“Starsk… he’s behind…”

 

“No, you’re not secretaries, though that could be arranged,” Dobey bellowed.

 

“And you told me this Dobey’d be better.”

 

5. Is he or she dependable?

 

Something was off about this whole last minute trip to Bryland. Hutch could feel it scratching at the back of his brain, trying to get out and scurry somewhere else.

 

But then anything to do with Andrew Mello was probably a bad idea, a rodent looking for a hole.

 

Just before they knocked on Joanne’s door, Hutch asked his partner, “So, who do we trust, huh?”

 

Starsky’s answer was what he expected, one they’d given each other back in the Police Academy and faced with Lieutenant Ryan’s attempts to rattle them.

 

And Starsky said, “Like always, me and thee.”

 

6. Does he or she take turns?

 

“Push or shove?” Hutch asked, as they headed over to one of the far booths.

 

“You can play the bad guy for a change. I’m tired,” Starsky answered. But it wasn’t really the truth.

 

Getting into character or not, the reality was he liked to watch Hutch ruffle bad guys up.

 

After reading the rape report out of Pennsylvania, Starsky saw red. It would be especially appealing to watch Crandell squirm at the receiving end of Hutch’s calm, barely controlled anger.

 

Starsky wasn’t disappointed. Later, when Hutch slid next to him in the booth, all he could do was grin.

 

7. Does he or she share well?

 

Walking away from Jeannie Walton was the hardest, and easiest, thing Hutch had done in, well, at least the last few minutes.

 

Hutch felt the last bit of adrenalin leave his body, and for a minute, thought he was going to fall down. Something knotted up in his aching belly, and Hutch felt like he might throw up.

 

“You okay?” Starsky asked him. Hutch saw how tired and pale his partner looked.

 

“Yeah,” Hutch lied, wanting to spare his friend more grief and worry.

 

Starsky asked, “Wanna drive my car?”

 

And Hutch knew everything, everything, was going to be okay.

 

8. Does he or she control his or her temper and avoid quarreling?

 

“What you gonna do, Hutch, punch me out?” Officer Lee shouted, struggling against the hands that held him against the wall. “If I hang around this precinct long enough, your pal’s going to get me killed.”

 

Hutch was right up in his face. “You know something, Lee? If you used your brain as well as you do your mouth, you might understand what’s going on here.”

 

Lee certainly did understand, but even the horrified look on Starsky’s face changed the fact that Jack Forest, a good friend and good cop was dead by a bomb in a stinking restroom.

 

9. Does he or she run with scissors?

 

Here he was, running through yet another minefield of vehicles and crates, gun in hand and closing in on the bad guy.

 

Hutch jumped from one deck hull to the ground and had a crazy thought. It was of his mother, and how she used to scold him when he was a little boy. “Kenny, you run around with a stick in your hand like that, and someone’s going to get his eye put out.”

 

As he rolled, then dodged another bullet from Norris, he thought of how it was just as well his mother was two thousand miles away.

 

10. Does he or she show initiative?

 

He knew it was odd; he and Hutch didn’t often follow separate paths and certainly not without the other’s knowledge. But something told him it was necessary.

 

Starsky wondered how he’d tell Hutch that he’d asked R and I to check out Billy’s file.

 

Later, at Ted Bank’s apartment, Starsky knew he’d done the right thing. The folded gum wrapper slammed it home.

 

The look on his partner’s face was one more than a little ticked off. But it was also one of resignation and understanding. 

 

Starsky was hoping he could explain and then felt Hutch’s hand on his shoulder.

 

11. Does he or she have good personal hygiene?

 

The unexpected swim in the ocean had really made a mess of things.

 

Hutch draped their wet clothes over the railing outside. Then he put his Python on the kitchen counter. He knew salt water and guns were a bad combination. Hutch dreaded the thought of a loaner piece, heavy and strange in his hand.

 

White sweater in hand, he gave a sharp rap on the bathroom door. “You use up all that hot water, Starsk, and I’ll exact some sort of revenge.”

 

Later, Hutch’s cold shower was what set a phone call, Huggy and mustard green broth in motion.

 

12. Does he or she throw sand?

 

It was hard to believe that Colby’d knocked him out by the car like that, though the ache in Hutch’s head was certainly proof enough.

 

And Colby as a hit man? Hutch even had a hard time getting his brain around that fact.

 

But here on the beach, when he saw Colby palm that sand in his hand, Hutch knew exactly what kind of man with whom he was dealing. Colby was a dirty player, and someone Hutch realized he was never even close to knowing.

 

Considering the kind of animal Colby was, this felt like a relief of sorts.

 

13. Is he or she courteous and kind?

 

Whenever he talked to Sweet Alice, Hutch got a softness to him. There seemed to be some sort of understanding between his partner and the hooker, something Starsky understood, but didn’t want to speculate too much on.

 

He stayed in the background, close to the Brig’s door, heard Hutch make a comment about maybe finally letting her catch him and watched his partner lift the strap off Alice’s arm and push it up to her shoulder.

 

Later in the car, Starsky didn’t comment on Hutch’s silence.

 

It made his heart ache in ways that Starsky couldn’t even begin to count.

 

14. Does he or she cooperate with others well?

 

Starsky picked at his food. Then he wrapped up the half-eaten burger and pushed it aside.

 

“Did we do something stupid with that Fed case, Hutch?”

 

“Which one?”

 

“The one with Bettin. When Jojo sprayed Molly with orange paint, and we knew Dombarris was going to be there in five minutes, should we’ve waited? Just a little while? We could’ve had our cake and eaten it, too, if we had.”

 

“Five minutes is a long time, Starsky, especially with Jojo pawing at you. It was a risk we took.”

 

“Really.”

 

Wondering about it kept Starsky awake most of the night. 

 

15. Does he or she have good attendance?

 

He knew his boss was behind him. Hutch tried to look extra busy with files, hoping Dobey wouldn’t see him. He’d no such luck.

 

“Starsky’s out again,” Dobey commented.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“That’s two days in a row.”

 

“Well, I called him this morning, and he’s still sick.”

 

Dobey gave him a familiar, disbelieving look, cautioned him about the dodgy Crane/DuBois report and left.

 

Hutch pinched the line between his eyes. He felt like a headache on two legs. “She’d better be worth it, buddy,” he thought.

 

Then he picked up the phone. “Abby, can you do me a favor?”

 

16. Does he or she use time wisely?

 

Hutch remembered Dobey’s despondent statement, “Look, Hutch, we only have two hours.”

 

Hutch had snapped back at him, ‘I don’t care if we got two minutes, we don’t give up.”

 

Staring down at his partner laying on the gurney, he knew Starsky was thinking the same thing he was. The last twenty-two hours had been spent the best way they knew how. Not with Starsky lying in a hospital and Hutch working the streets without him.

 

At least, Hutch thought, his partner would be spared the agony of the one left behind.

 

Because that will feel like a goddamn eternity.